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Friday, December 31, 2010, 06:05 a.m. Not Yours Ever The brain plays tricks on us. Eyes are open, receiving light reflections for neurons to capture followed by embedding and forming an 'image'. Why is it when I open my eyes I see double vision.. what's on my mind and what is in front of me. I see you. Although there is pain in my chest, I still wish you the best But I can't forget you. Thursday, December 30, 2010, 04:33 a.m. I will miss the times we shared together. The inexplicable. All the lovers What did I do to deserve this? All human interactions are transient, regardless- everyone will leave. Be alone, always remember that. You are alone. Never ever let anyone get close enough to hurt you the same way because the methods may change but the result of sorrow and despair never differs. The few significant people who have come and gone are the perfect reminders. Hold on to those feelings of abandonment, maintain that tight-jawed grimace and remind yourself to never let your guard down thinking this time "things are different". Humans are all the same, including yourself. Always remember that. Saturday, May 29, 2010, 04:12 a.m. (untitled) So now what? I have this self created feeling of betrayal and loss. Losing people close to me, that I let in to know me, has become second nature. Regardless of what I've done or haven't done. So now, I know- I'm not cut out for friendships. Fail. (HAHA at me) Spent the whole day with Evan, Glenn and Liz: lunch @ Laksa King; them cable skiing; dinner @ Taco Bill (incl. Nora +2 friends); drinks @ Jwow. Followed by Avatar @ Alvin's, met his s/o. Sweet looking. Appearances are deceptive. Thursday, May 27, 2010, 02:49 a.m. blinksoflife.tumblr After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for paths. After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure… That you really are strong, And you really do have worth. 
Thursday, May 27, 2010, 02:12 a.m.The All Out Fall Out What's so great about the truth? Try lying for a change, it's the currency of the world. Weekends are always great but this month of May has the most mismatched of emotions to tie everything up. Good ones slip off so fast to be caught up with annoyance, frustration and tiresome. I wish I had more patience and were less apathetic. Bits and pieces of what I can recall is Wabi Sabi with Ning and waiting for Ian for close to 3 hrs in my car. Also, managed to drag Ian to Werribee Open Range Zoo on a Sunday! Ying was too tired to join and Cheryl could only make it 'till brunch (we had Pho!) so now both of them owe me one ;) Saw lazy lions, still meerkats, digging monkeys, jumpy kangaroos, hippy hippos.. On the safari tour Ian fell asleep halfway zzz which was embarrassing since we were seated right behind the driver/tour guide :/ Camels, horses, giraffes, zebras, ostriches. Animals amuck! :D     The cutest face of a lion soft toy (: $15 or $0 for a photo  Chee Aun, Sue and Chanapat coming over to study on Monday while I baked Swedish Ginger cookies with veg oil substituting bacon oil and the same 'ol chocolate and pb filled cookies. Chee Aun really likes the Oatmeal Raisin (photo below) too, so I shall bake more!  Made Gyozas (!!) though the folding and frying was a difficult technique to pick up, turned out pretty nicely :D  Dropped by Serene's twice. Baked peanut butter oatmeal cookies that were too buttery :/ Jane has a kitchenaid now zomg I also want one, sho kewl! I don't feel as though I'm being oversensitive, I'm just tired. Tired of caring too much, tired of feeling left out and that our friendship may not be as mutual or reciprocal as I'd like it to be. I hate when people say I ask too much of others, so forgive me for taking a step back to reclaim who I'm supposed to be. A friend who cares appropriately and isn't bothered by the little things. A friend who doesn't go out of the way and isn't afraid to do so. Wednesday, May 19, 2010, 02:14 a.m. It's all a blur  Time's speeding too fast and I'm paying for the ticket. It's been close to 2 months of job hunting, not paying off. Maybe slight improvement in recipe following culinary skills :/ I'm almost at wits' ends so all I need to do is persevere and think up new ways for my path with Fairy Jobmother to cross. So, my Char Siu. Made two different marinades but more honey is better!  Oreo cheesecake  Chocolate peanut butter filled cookies :D Tried salting the base, BAD IDEA. It's so moist and fluffy!  Curry chicken! First time, success :D  Still adjusting my sleep pattern but my body clock seems to be running on its own battery. I reached a new immoral high this week HAHA what's a little fun without a little tête-à-tête sans conversation ;) 1, 2, 3 Saturday, May 15, 2010, 03:35 a.m. In Illuminati Structured MPD Systems, the willow tree represents the occultic powers of Druidism. The intrinsic imagery of the tree’s branches, leaves and root systems are very significant, as some of the dark spiritual proper ties associated with the Willow Tree Programming are: Amnesia preventive In a bid to jot down my daily doings: I didn't sleep the whole of Tuesday to adjust my body clock but didn't do me much good anyway. I'm still sleeping at 4am (then it'd be 7am today) waking up in the evening, sigh. So, anyway. Had dinner with Ning @ Maze by Gordon Ramsay. The food was the average fare in typical fine dining restaurants which lucky me was full by the first course. She loved the bread and its seaweed butter which I found salty leaving my tongue with a filmy aftertaste or a sign of me falling sick (?) Got home and managed to bake a batch of matcha + red bean paste cupcakes. Which unfortunately stuck to the pan despite me heavily oiling it :/ Brought oreo cheesecake and aforementioned cupcakes to Alvin's stayed till 5 watching Notorious B.I.G. and 200 pound beauty. He fell asleep and this is the second time I snuck out of his house to keep from waking him HAHA. Photo-log of a few weeks cooked food. Very plain beef lasagna with nothing but beef, sauce and pasta  Matcha and red bean paste bread (!) First attempt at bread, didn't proof it well since I was in a rush to Los Amates dinner with Ning heh. Could do better.  Smoked salmon and avocado sushi. Rice was way too mushy and sushi had way too much rice, zzz my skills are getting worse. Ingredients were bought at Victoria Market 730am (!!) EPIC.  When you make your way to the top, things can only go down from there. Looking forward to a legendary Thursday night. Can someone say "PARTY" :D 
Tuesday, May 11, 2010, 02:06 p.m.Hello The first word you greet someone with. The instant connection and chemistry that couples along with an instinctive vibe judgment- is he/she going to be my good friend? That's what I believe, paired with first impressions (if the vibe is friendly or hostile): The foundation of a friendship. There's always the unorthodox story with external influences blinding judgment or misunderstandings which ultimately lead to beautiful friendships i.e. Steph and I. However, understanding a friend is key to what makes a friendship work. How can you not understand a friend and just 'hang out' to have fun for long periods of time? Wouldn't that just be an acquaintance you meet occasionally? I understand the defense mechanism behind it but I don't identify with this method of making friends. Then again, I'm not exactly the Queen of friendships. More like the Wicked Witch anyway (very misunderstood), who am I to say. So f*ed up.  Moments at a standstill. The perfect fleeting moment happens in a millisecond and stays imprinted in a memory triggered by sight (visual imaging), scent and sensation. That lasting memory- never to be recreated always to be missed. Tuesday, May 4, 2010, 11:59 p.m. Lucky you're with AAMI So I lodged an insurance claim. Idk, I feel like I've had a really long day. What with the waking up late, missing errands, realising that family / sibling-ship isn't what I'd like it to be and getting fooled around with by that China bumper-denting dude. Sighh I look at fb and see all the people I'm 'friends' with, but what / who are your friends? Who are the people who bother, really bother? Must there be a value to everything, worth for every effort, or price on time spent.  It's like a slight revelation of something emotionally darker broiling inside me. Wishing makes things worse but- I wish everyone around me will be happy and for peace in my life. Monday, May 3, 2010, 11:54 p.m. Body works The Carrot Cake I baked last week cos I wanted to use up the carrots in the fridge. A tad too oily, but very yummy. The pecans cover up the plastiky aftertaste. Good job!  Got woken up by Ridwan and the post man this morning so I went for his music psychology lecture which was mad dry. It's been 5 months since I've been to a lecture, let alone psychology. Zomg o_0 Sometimes I don't want to discriminate against my own race, but that asshole who knocked my bumper is just a retard who thinks I give a damn whether he has assignments flooding his room. That's the problem with humans (not specifically Chinese anyway), you give them an inch they take a foot >:| Watched Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Didn't invoke much emotions with the ending but then again, rapist plots always induce rage in me. Gross much? Zzz men. Cooked the meat sauce for Lasagna tmrw, CAN'T WAIT :D Going Vic Market to get Pork for my homemade Char Siu hehe. Will try Empanadas when the Lasagna's done ((: Very awesome, I figured how to upload photos to photobucket via web url (i.e. fb photos!) now I can post more photos. Also, Iron Man II wasn't bad but wasn't good either. Bleahh I'm hungry.. Friday, April 30, 2010, 01:43 a.m. Legendary The Anzac weekend retarded my body clock. I keep thinking its the day before HAHA. So Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday went by in a blurrrr.. I remember The Beetles Unplugged event at Ms Libertine, watching Jiang Hu at Ian's. Going for Lawlor's Muay Thai practice so Debbie can get interviews for her school assignment and Laksa King (!). And today, l(br)unch with Tze and Jane, sending Evan to the airport and dinner with Ning.. which reminds me I need to make a booking for our dinner next Thursday. Sent 5 jobapps this week and I can't wait for the fawesome weekend. I want to watch Ip Man II and  It's been long since I had an intellectual or philosophical conversation. I should start updating on news, not entertainment / trashy info. Then again, being floaty and dim witted these past weeks isn't that bad. On the education side, japanese lessons are still hovering on F-U-N (: Shall do some homework tmrw despite losing my vocabulary worksheet (FAIL!) Saturday, April 24, 2010, 06:04 p.m. Chapel St. Sloth days #-- (not that I'm keeping count) So dinner at John and Debbie's and Simpson's on PS3 then Wonderland and La La Land on Chapel. Met some of their friends :D Skipped plans for Eve which I feel was a good thing! My new inspiration  Gotta have faith Thursday, April 22, 2010, 05:49 p.m. Social awkwardness Air con technician fixed up my air con, should be good to go now! Met Jean for lunch, she's flying back tmrw ): Had cake at Cafe Sienna along Chapel st. I have 2 rejection emails this week. Sent applications, I think <5? Even I'm not too sure. Cooking dinner and invited Ridwan since he called (I should cut him some slack). Yumcha later.. Eve tmrw? Is it possible to feel socially awkward when surrounded by genuinely friendly and chatty people? I know I do. Sighh things are going downhill :/  Oh Dr. Sheldon Cooper if only friendships or r/s could be as systematic and simple (: Wednesday, April 21, 2010, 05:26 p.m. Safari fails Been on a mj losing streak. I need a change of luck.  es·o·ter·ic [es-uh-ter-ik] –adjective 1. understood by or meant for only the select few who have special knowledge or interest; recondite: poetry full of esoteric allusions. 2. belonging to the select few. 3. private; secret; confidential. 4. (of a philosophical doctrine or the like) intended to be revealed only to the initiates of a group: the esoteric doctrines of Pythagoras. Tuesday, April 20, 2010, 11:42 p.m. Japaneasy It's funny how one can feel so lost and helpless yet desperately want to be strong all at once. One failed job interview. A few distanced friendships. Guys, Girls, people who come and go.. those that you want to stay the same- they don't. Nothing ever does anyway. Embrace the change (every philosophy states). When does the embrace become familiar. I think I'm being contradicting here. I'm assuming no one comes here anymore, I'd much rather that than have to find javascript password locks that even a cyber idiot like me can get past. So in my bid to blog more regularly (I shall!) so when I look back I know what I've been doing. I'm waiting for the HKG photos from Steph cos without it, feels like the trip didn't happen haha. Have a few more errands to run regarding TR applications and yes job search currently on the go G.O. go. Sighs. So, had my first japanese lesson today (: I actually had fun, machiko-san is so encouraging she makes me feel more at ease heh. Gotta send out my old passport tmrw and call the damned spf about my cncc zzz Thursday, March 11, 2010, 07:10 p.m. “there is a loneliness in this world so great Kate Moss Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels Nothing. Wednesday, January 20, 2010, 09:20 a.m. NZN I tend to blog during the insomniac hours before I go sleep with the sun up. The recent 12 days of managing NZN has been pretty taxing with working at 5pm everyday, mundane + routinely with the slight stress. What's bugging me (even though it is the littlest of concerns, like an obsessive compulsion that gets to me) is the other scoopies I 'manage'. It's hard because our r/s started as friends and now I boss them around. It's annoying because I go to the shop every single day and when they do their absolute least to help me, it irritates me. Then I obsess about whether I'm being anal and unreasonable or really they're taking advantage of the situation. 9 more days of shit to take, considering I've already worked a total of 90+ hours..  This is apt in so many ways Oh yes I've also been extending my flair in the baking section that is, my successful batch of EGG TARTS! Off to more skilled and satisfying baked salivating goods :D Sunday, January 10, 2010, 03:53 a.m. You Know Me I hate growing up. I love to worry about what to eat during recess, what shows are on tonight, what I'm having for dinner, what time am I going to sleep. And the only subjects I studied were: English, Chinese, Mathematics and Science. The occasional Health Education and Civics and Moral Education (HAHAHA). When these were the only routine in my life and the only thoughts in my head. Note that there was no person involved. AT ALL. Well maybe except for the ones cooking my meals. I used to be able to confront situations with minimal damages but in the past year I've learnt two new skills. Avoidance and denial. Avoiding the matters that affect me and denying the person a chance of even friendship. In short, how to cut someone out of my life. It's not like I hate the new way I handle stuff and however shocking it sounds, it makes my guts go crazy inside out like food poisoning only there's no purgatory method other than insomnia.  Saturday, January 9, 2010, 04:11 a.m. Supermassive Black Hole I hesitated to archive 2009 for the great trip I had in September, but with my sleep (I wouldn't say deprived) cycle in retard mode I'm just waiting for the neurotransmitters in my brain to tell me.. something enlightening. To experience some kind of epiphany. Okay, in a nutshell. 2009: A year of loss, discovery and very limited self-realisation. The world is a huge soul sucking mass. Society would be my living hell, non-figuratively. The irony is that 2008 was a year of cherishing everything and everyone around me, past and present. Oh, how life changes how we think, perceive and act. Also, I had the most smashing New Year's Eve celebration at Sensation. What I found most exhilarating is the display and decoration put to my $155- worth every penny, bro. Secretly, I'm trying to push my mind to the state where the lack of rest can take me. Right now, I'm close to 48 hours w/o sleep. |